I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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