BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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