he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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