I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
