So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
