Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
