just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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