I haven't been this sober since birth.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
