I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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