If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
