question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
