I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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