I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
