Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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