My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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