Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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