so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
