I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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