Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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