Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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