My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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