May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We named our party play list daddy issues
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
