You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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