No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
