Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
