Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
