How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My vagina is very pro this idea
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
