it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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