the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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