Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
