yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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