it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
