Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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