I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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