I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
