Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
