she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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