Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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