The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
