I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
