I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
