Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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