Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
