I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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