Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
