I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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