just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
