I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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