You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
