WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
