NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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