Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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