I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
