But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you never un-have a 4some
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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