stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize