The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
