MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
