I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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