Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
