She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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