Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk is not a location!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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