Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
