girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
