When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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