What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
