Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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