You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
